Wednesday, December 17, 2008

i am a little obsessed with this song at the moment


today is a winding road that's taking me
to places that i didn't want to go
today in the blink of an eye
i'm holding on to something
and i do not know why i tried

i tried to read between the lines
i tried to look in your eyes
i want a simple explanation
for what i'm feeling inside
i gotta find a way out
maybe there's a way out

your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
do you know you're unlike any other
you'll always be my thunder
i said, your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
i don't wanna ever love another
you'll always be my thunder
so bring on the rain
and bring on the thunder

today is a winding road- tell me where to start
and tell me something i don't know
today, i'm on my own, i can't move a muscle
and i can't pick up the phone, i don't know

now i'm itching for the tall grass
and longing for the breeze
i need to step outside just to see if i can breathe
i gotta finda way out
maybe there's a way out

i'm walking on a tightrope
i'm wrapped up in vines
i think we'll make it out
but you gotta give me time
strike me down with lightning
let me feel you in my veins
i wanna let you know how much i feel your pain

i've been thinking...

dangerous, i know! i get frustrated when life seems so complicated. when my emotions have no words to describe them. when the only thing that i can do to survive is play some otherwise random song over and over until the tears stop. i'm not unhappy or anything, i'm just overwhelmed i think, and i'm ready to stop getting the short end of the stick. it would be really nice, if for once, things happened for my benefit. to just catch a break. how long can everything be so hard? how long do i have to wait to start seeing some improvement?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Isaiah 41

I'm not even going to write it out- just look it up and read it! Again!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Memories in the making

Here are a few funny snippets from my recent life:

*One of my Kindergarten students gathering a bouquet of fallen, brightly colored leaves and handing them to me saying, "These are for you, Miss Heather Beautiful. They are for when you get married. And then I can come too."

*Kyler telling me this morning that he wants to fix cars and be a "fire guy," not a cop and he wants two kids- one named Kyler and one named Austyn.

*Kyler asking me, "You know what, Mom? I have a penis. And you don't have one- ha, ha!" As he sticks his tongue out at me and runs away.

*"All the dinosaurs live in the forest. I saw one by my house. Well, it was a rhinoceros. Actually, it was a rattlesnake." ~Quote from one of my students.

*My mom whispers to Kyler, "Guess what? I love you." Kyler leans over to her and whispers back, "Guess what? I love my mom."

*Kyler singing the ABC's almost perfectly-
*Kyler shakin' his honky-tonk badonk-a-donk to the Hokie Pokie. He told me, "Guess I learned, Mom? You do a pokie-pokie and you turn a butt around!"

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I fell off the face of the earth

Wow! It has been a while! I actually almost forgot I had a blog! Good thing I don't have many loyal fans... I heard some interesting things at church this morning. The sermon was about anger and how anger can impact your life. The guest speaker said that anger is an acceptable feeling as long as you don't let it turn into a sinful behavior. He said something that I really liked- about what that means- something like, sinful anger is any reaction that is intended to hurt, slander or punish another person. That is so true! I realized that not only is it not nice to yell and scream at my ex when he being hurtful; it is not being Christ like. I really need to work on holding my tongue, taking a deep breath and saying a prayer for grace. I hope that someday I can learn to be a gracious person. I want people to say that I am compassiate, empathetic and gracious. GraceFUL would be nice too, but I have to pick my battles. Letting one person get under my skin and get me to a point of yelling and saying colorful words that I shouldn't say, is not really the picture of grace. So let's just pray that I can accomplish a little of that change in my heart... shall we?

Monday, August 4, 2008

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

I wish that people would just say how they feel and what they are thinking and why they are making the choices that they are... I wish that friends were truthful, but always know how to be sensitive at the same time. I wish that old friends had never changed. I wish we were able to see the truth about new friends. I wish that people would stop getting others involved when it doesn't concern them in the first place. I wish that anger and hurt could be approached with love and empathy instead of defensiveness and destruction. I don't even know what I'm trying to say...

Monday, July 28, 2008

Prayer for Understanding Grace

Lord, give me understanding.
Help me forgive those that have hurt me.
Let me try to see things through different eyes. Blinded eyes. Cloudy eyes.
Give me strength and courage.
Keep kindness in front and mercy right behind it.
Help me be gracious to others as You have been so gracious to me.
Take my hurting heart as an offering to You
And heal it again as You have so often before.
Please bless those in my life- new friends, old friends, no longer friends, family friends...
Bless them and help them see Your light.
Give them understanding of what is right and show them the path that is Truth.
Protect my mind from needless drama and help me filter the important stuff with the trivial.
Keep me standing tall and make me strong.
Touch me with You grace so that I may be gracious to others.
Thank you for Your peace,

Saturday, July 26, 2008

I don't think I quite understand...

A friend of mine (although no longer a friend at this point) shut me out of her life after she married a man of her religion. I don't know this man and therefore, have no idea who my friend has become. I don't know why she has shut me out or what I have done to her. I don't even know if she has ever received any of my phone messages or mail that I have sent her because she has never acknowledged them or responded back to me. Perhaps this change was predestined. Perhaps it was always going to happen and it just happened to coincide with her marriage. That is a possibility- I'll acknowledge that. This friend had told me 6 months after she was married that she was a newlywed and that I really didn't have any right to expect her to be anything else other than a newlywed. Okay, I understand that maybe my timing was off a bit and I shouldn't have expected to see her very often at that time. It's coming up on 2 years now and over 1 year since I have spoken to her. I have tried calling. I sent a birthday card. I invited them both to my son's birthday party. No response whatsoever. I know that she is a very busy person- aren't we all? I know she is a newlywed. I just can't fathom my freind, whom I considered to be the sister I never had, totally and completely ignoring me. I was afraid that her entire family had shut me out and hated me or thought I wasn't good enough to be her friend. (I have recently found out that that is not even close to the truth). Her family was pretty much my second family- I practically lived at their house throughout high school and vice versa. Her parents have always welcomed me into their home and their hearts as if I was their own and never ever felt like I couldn't be around them because I had different religious beliefs. If fact, at my friend's wedding, her father actually saved me more than a few times from various people asking me qeustions about their religion that I had no idea about. He simply put his arm around me and stood there silently, until somone would approach me and ask me soemthing, then answering, "You know? Heather is a dear friend of our family and not LDS." He never made me feel awkward about it or like I was a lowlife heathen that wasn't as great as his family. I was his family. I have never judged my friend's religion- in fact, I had the utmost respect for her because she was the kindest, sweetest, most compassionate, empathetic, non-judgemental person I had ever in ly entire life. I have never met anyone as selfless and caring as she, and I always strived to be more like her in those areas. I am in utter shock that after 13 years, I have to say goodbye to her and just walk away. I don't think I have ever been so hurt so deeply as I am because of her actions (actually, lack of actions). I truly don't understand how someone who has always been there for me and has always been open with me about our different religions, could suddenly and without warning, change so completely. I thought once upon a time, that there was a chance for reconciliation... now, I'm not so sure...

Thursday, July 24, 2008


I need to make a slight change to a previous post. Kyler's Beta fish is not named "Milkshake" as I previously thought. He has informed me that the fish's name is actually "Doctor Milkshake." i apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.


It's funny the things that can inspire me. Today, it was the Disney movie Mulan. "Who is this girl I see? Why does my reflection show someone I don't know? When will my reflection show who I am inside?" Who knows? Stay tuned...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Please Pray...

My heart broke a little bit today. A woman whom I have never met changed the way I see life. Chris Hastings had been battling cancer for about 4 months now, I think. She is the mother of 4- ages 15, 11, 6 & 3. She and her family attended the church that I grew up in and therefore, many of my friends have been influenced by her. A coworker of mine has been a family friend and baby-sitter to the Hastings family and told me their story a few months ago. I remember feeling like I had been hit in the stomach- I didn't even know who these people were! All I knew was that this mother was facing an unimaginable battle. Chris lost her fight with cancer this past Saturday morning. I cannot fathom the pain and fear that her husband and children are battling. I know that their faith in God will help them through this, but it doesn't change the fact that children have lost their mother and a husband has lost his soulmate. Please join me in putting a blanket of prayer around this family that has touched my heart so deeply.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

in response...

a dear friend of mine has expressed frustration over the very same thing that i find myself exasperated over... blogger block. i too have difficulty at times finding the drive to sit down and post a new entry. well, actually, i am already sitting down, but i sometimes don't feel like writing a blog entry. sometimes i feel like i have great and profound things to say, and then when i am faced with the "create a post" page, i freeze. after reading the responses that my friend's friends left her regarding this issue, i have come to realize this: that yes, once the joy of blogging is missing, it soon becomes a chore and that if you truly feel the need to post something, pictures a good beginning. that being said, there is something cleansing and almost peaceful about writing here- even when i have no idea how to say what i want to say or why i even feel my point is noteworthy. when i write in my blog, it takes the thoughts and stressful events that plague my mind and puts them somewhere tangible- somewhere that i can see them and be reminded of them and what they have done for me. likewise, i am able to share the amazing and wonderful of my life as well... even if i only have about three people that read my blog! honestly, i have a kind of hunger to read my friend's blog- as uneventful or "wordless" as it may be. just you know, melissa, i love reading all the little and big things you put on your blog- writer's block or not.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Sunday, July 6, 2008


I wish I had an instruction manual for how to grow more patience. Oh wait- I do... it's called the Bible. Any suggestions on which verses might be helpful and encouraging for my manic multiple personalities lately?!?

Friday, June 20, 2008

Meet the newest member of our little family...

Kyler asked me last night if he could get a goldfish. Seeing as how over the month or so he went from wanting a puppy to a kitten to a peacock, I said, "Yeah. Okay. I think that I can do a fish." He picked out this fish and named it "Milkshake." So, give a warm welcome to Milkshake. Kyler says he is the fastest fish in the world.

My crazy day...

Summer Program started 2 weeks ago, so now I am at work full-time. Kyler started swimming lessons and I am taking 2 summer classes online as well. This was my day today: Get up @ 5:45am. Get ready for our Zoo field trip. Drive Kyler to his sister's. Get to work. Get everything ready for Zoo trip. Get 31 kids ready for Zoo trip. Ride a school bus over an hour to Zoo trip. Walk around the Zoo for two hours in 105 degree heat. Get back on the bus for over an hour back to school. Pick up Kyler. Take Kyler to swim lessons. Swim lessons were cancelled. Take Kyler to pet store to buy Milkshake. Blah, blah, blah. I'm tired just writing all of that- and that only brings us to about 5:30 or so.

Friday, May 23, 2008

holy grey's finale!!!

it is about freakin' time!!!!!

fashion sense?

yep! he's 2 and proud of it! he picks out his own clothes and shoes (need i remind you, it's almost june) and he found the hat in the bottomless pit i call my car. after we got back from the store, i told him that i needed to take a picture of his cool outfit, and he posed like this saying, "what's up?" below is a picture of his "cookie face." the baker gave him a free cookie and kyler said, "thank you, sir." gotta love it!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Low, low, low, low

I told Larry that I should have written down all of the funny things that would have been great for this blog... I have of course forgotten most of them. Some things that will live on though are... Apple bottom jeans, Giselle, and Scramble. Taking Emma out to dinner. Cute Amish people. Tornado watch. Obama in town. Pisser. Isaac making stirfry. Emma making kabobs. And pudding. Sammy. Red. Juno. Dan in Real Life. Horseland. Missing luggage. Missing wallets. Missing rental car keys. Coffee. Spicy Top Ramen. And so much more...
For pics and such, go to I worked really hard on this album- I really love how it turned out! Check it out!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Monday, April 21, 2008

Holy Mass Media!

Okay, so Kyler loves this show, "Rocket." Well, it's actually called "Little Einsteins," but we know it as "Rocket" down here in these parts. He watches this show every day (in my defense, it teaches him all about classical music, fine art, colors, counting and landmarks around the world). So, like every DVD, there are previews, right? Well, I never thought he paid much attention to the commercials before the show, just like I never noticed him paying attention to commercials when I'm watching TV. Tonight, I'm sitting with him and I hear him quietly singing along with the previews for a new movie coming out. The movie? "Enchanted Tales- Princess Stories." He's singing, "I'm more than a peacock princess, I am!" and "I promise! And a princess never breaks a promise!" Of course this is in two-year old language, but still, it was recognizable. Then he says, "We need a little perseverance!" Good right? As he sits down next to me on the couch, "Rocket" comes on the screen. He is very excited as he exclaims, "Going to Egypt? Hieroglyphics!" I can't help but laugh. He loves falling asleep to Rocket. He loves eating with Rocket. We have 5 DVDs, 1 audio CD for the car, and more Rocket clothes and toys than anyone even knew existed. He loves the characters- Leo can do anything, Quincy is "cool" and June is "pretty." (To quote Kyler). But no one holds a candle to his Annie. He has loved her from the moment he saw her, on a treasure hunting episode when he was 1 year old. He sings all of her songs with her and kisses the TV when she comes on. His first love is a cartoon character. (At least he has good taste- she's blonde...) Nothing will ever take him away from her image on the TV...unless of course it's a Red Lobster commercial...

Saturday, April 19, 2008

holy grown-up!!

my 2 year old looks like a 2nd grader! he loves the bath! i think that he would prefer to be a fish... tonight he got a fork stuck in his leg. yes, i said a fork. poor baby. he was messing around on the recliner (where he had insisted he eat his dinner) and i told him he needed to sit down so that he would not fall. so he promptly sat down- right on the fork that was sticking, prongs up, out of his bowl. he cried, "ow!" i went over and saw the thing sticking out of his thigh, yanked it out (probably not the best idea, as i'm thinking about it now) scooped him up and ran to the bathroom, expecting grey's anatomy style gushing action. on the way to the sink, kyler exclaimed, "that bad fork got me!" a few drops later, he said through tears, "i wanna take a bath." i obliged and he sat in the tub on his knees for a while until i noticed him testing the owie out in the warm water. he said, "oooh. big owie." he proceeded to lower himself into the water and i heard him say, "stop it, leg. it's bath time." so there you have it. baths trump punture wounds.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Been Looking Forward To This All Week...

Gordon Ramsay, I think that you are pretty amazing, but there is no way I could EVER be on your show!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Meet Egg!!

I would like to welcome the newest member to Kyler's clan... Egg! Egg was found in Kyler's Easter basket early last Sunday morning. Kyler was so excited, and I asked him what he would like to name his new friend. He thought for a moment and proudly exclaimed, "Egg!" So, here he is! Below, from left to right, we have Alex (Mommy's favorite stuffed animal- Kyler recently discovered and adopted him), Egg, and Buddy (Kyler's first and most treasured attachment item). What a cute ensemble! Welcome, Egg!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Potty- Training Saga

So, we are at this fork in the road. Will he use the toilet, or is he destined for Depends? It seems that every time I decide that I have enough time and am feeling especially patient to knock this one out of the park, Kyler refuses to comply. Yet, whenever I am rushed or having a melt-down day, he asks if he can sit on the potty. Those days, I just don't have it in me to sit there with him and wait for very long. I think he is a little scared of the thought of giving up the diapers. He thinks Pull-Ups are cool (thank you, Disney), he thinks that the music-playing potty chair is simply way more boring than the actual toilet, and he loves flushing. So why will he not GO?!? I know that I need to be patient, but where is my magic wand when I really need it? As I write this he is wearing a Pull-Up with strict orders that he needs to try to go in the toilet and not on the Pull-Up. Oh yeah, and I am SO not above bribery! If he actually does go, it's off to McDonald's for an ice cream sundae! I really want one too...

Saturday, March 8, 2008

it is well with my soul...

Women's Conference 2008, Crossroads Church, Grass Valley, Cali
Kay Strom
Kay told us many stories today, about how God is working in our lives and in the lives of others all around the world. She talked about our turbulent lives and that even when faced with adversity, our Savior is there. She told us about a man whose entire fortune, home and material things were lost in the Great Chicago Fire of 1871. He and his wife, along with their four daughters decided to start over in England, regroup and eventually return. He trusted that God could heal their family and deliver them from this horrible event. He sent his family along to England aboard a ship, promising to see them soon when he was able to get all their affairs in order and join them. Halfway across the Pacific, their ship was struck head-on by another ship and it sunk in minutes. Rescuers retrieved the woman from the water, but all four of the couple's daughters drowned. On his journey to reunite with his wife, the man asked the captain to please show him where his daughters had died, so that he could pray for them and say goodbye. Overlooking the sea that took his children, he began writing a poem. The words to "It Is Well With My Soul." A few years later, his wife gave birth to a son who lived for four years before a sickness took him from them as well. And still, all was well with his soul.
Then came the story that sent shivers down my spine and made me fight back tears... On one of Kay's trips to India, she visited an all boys orphanage. There was a beautiful little girl amongst all the boys. Kay asked a woman why there was a girl there at this strictly boy refuge. The woman proceeded to tell the little girl's story. When this tiny child was born her father said that they had no use for another girl in the family. He dug a hole, dumped the newborn child into the hole and replaced the dirt- burying her alive. The girl's grandfather didn't want another girl anymore than the father, but couldn't handle the thought of burying her alive. So he dug her out, took her an orphanage (I think), and left her on the doorstep. The orphange workers heard a noise outside and found the little girl, covered in dirt and gasping for air. They had no use for another girl either. They called the people over at the all boy's place and told them that if a girl was important enough to waste their time on, then they needed to come get her or she would just die. They rushed over to find the infant blue and not breathing because her nose and mouth were filled with dirt. They cleaned her up and got her breathing again. She was important enough to God for Him to sustain her life. She was important enough to the orphanage. I believe that little baby girl with do great things. Big things. Maybe she won't become a world leader or an esteemed scholar. Maybe she won't live to see tomorrow. But she moved me. She touched me. I'm ready to get on a plane and go to India tonight. If I could, I would. That little precious person really just set my desire to save a child (or 2 or 50!)... and someday, I will. Someday, I will give a child a home just like the girl in the story deserves.

Friday, March 7, 2008

fun friday...

Every Friday, I do "Fun Friday" with my class. Sometimes we show a movie on the huge projector screen, make yummy snacks, play silly games, do a cool art project, or like today, a science experiment. I have never used dry ice before, so I thought it would be interesting to check out this mysterious, reportedly dangerous substance. It was SO COOL!! The kids, about 35 of them, sat in a circle and I, not knowing anything about dry ice, gave them a brief description of what we were about to do. I explained that they must all sit in their spots and not move closer to what I was going to bring into the room. I told them that what we were about to experiment with was potentially very dangerous (that got the boys to sit up a little straighter) and told them that under no circumstance were they to touch the "experiment." (My aide then decided to pipe in with, "It will burn the flesh off of your bones if you touch it.") Nice touch. So I go to get the ice and a pitcher of water. I set it down in the middle of the circle and asked them what they thought would happen if I poured the water on the ice. My favorite comments? "It will explode!" and "Start a fire!!" We discovered that you could touch the ice as long as it was dry- well, we didn't try to touch it when it was wet, so maybe we will never really know... (another aide moment: she pretended to touch it, and screamed, said "Gotcha!!" and we all laughed- one little boy almost had a panic attack, but eventually laughed too). Anyway, it turned out to be a pretty neat little experience- I've decided that dry ice is a must for any party in the future. Oh, and there were no explosions or fires!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

bad things i'm good at...

i have become rather good at doing quite a few things that are harmful to myself. one example of such actions is eating crap and too much of it, and another is choosing men that are absolutely, completely wrong for me. i am learning how to manage the first- i have actually lost 5 pounds this week- but it is a struggle. would you like to know what the most delicious foods in the world are? french fries. with cheese. or anything deep-fried. with ranch dressing to smother it in. or ice cream. the kind with all sorts of yummy deliciousness mixed into it... and i'm talking about the whole pint. but i'm training myself to eat differently. not so much cutting out any of those things, just cutting down the amount that i am consuming- and it's working! yay! as for the other thing... men. why does it have to be so difficult? i mean the whole thing about the good girl and the not so good boy together is proving true for me. i meet a nice guy, he's too boring. i meet trouble, i'm not very happy after a while or i end up trying to hang on to something that's worth nothing. i recognize that i like a challenge. but why are the challenging ones so challenging? i mean there has got to be a balance, right? well, i have yet to find the right balance. obviously. i have faith- i mean i still believe that He has a plan for my life- but i am so stupidly impatient. i hate waiting. i guess i'll just keep doing what i'm doing- kyler, work, school, work, kyler, school, kyler... only one of which is something that i absolutely love- totally and completely. not that i'm venting or anything. but hey, look on the bright side! i lost 5 pounds in a week!!!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Everyone needs some encouragement sometimes...

this song is the most moving prayer i have ever heard and reminds me every time i listen to it, that there is someone bigger than myself that loves me unconditionally and will never let me go through life alone...


find me here, and speak to me

i want to feel you, i need to hear you

you are the light that's leading me to the place where i find peace again

you are the strength that keeps me walking

you are the hope that keeps me trusting

you are the life to my soul

you are my purpose

you're everything

how can i stand here with you, and not be moved by you?

would you tell me, "how could it be any better than this?"

you calm the storms and you give me rest

you hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall

you still my heart and you take my breath away

would you take me in?

take me deeper now

because you're all i want

you're all i need

you're everything

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Holy Randomness...

Melissa "tagged" me to do this...
Here are 7 random things that most people don't know about me...
1. I've only been on one real "date"- with someone that I wasn't in a long relationship with. The guy was really nice- a perfect gentleman, but he had NO personality! He agreed with everything I said and had no opinion of his own... BORING!
2. I recently signed up for an online dating service...
3. I think that white chocolate is one of the nastiest foods! Unless it is a white peppermint mocha from... guess where?
4. I think I might die of cancer... I have weird moles... I think they are cancerous...
5. One of my dreams is still to raise Siberian tigers... but now that I actually have the sense to realize what that might entail, that is a dream that I may be able to pass up.
6. I think that I could totally be the Next Food Network Star... how awesome would that be?!
7. I have many fears- just a few: the deep ocean, icebergs, forest fires, crossing the Bay Bridge, crossing the Coronado Bay Bridge, San Francisco in general, spiders...

Monday, February 18, 2008

Brown Bear Reading Session

"Brown Bear, brown bear, what do you see? I see a red bird looking at me..." Kyler loves this book. In fact, the title was one of his first words. He was sitting, quietly reading to himself under his breath, so I grabbed the camera. You may have to listen carefully...

"Mine take it home?"

This is what my son says to me, with the cutest little face ever, regarding a large dog we saw at the store today. Every boy should have a puppy, right?
Here are 5 things that I thought of that would make getting a puppy a good idea:
#1. Puppies are really adorable
#2. Kyler really loves to play with animals, so a puppy would be perfect!
#3. I really want to name a pet Terminator
#4. I really want a dog... and a house with a yard for it to run in... and enough money to feed it and spoil it...
#5. It would be so great for Kyler to grow up with a dog that was "his"

Top 5 reasons why it is SO not the right time for a dog right now:
#1. There is NO way that I could potty train anything else at this point in my life...
#2. I already have enough snot and drool on most of my clothes (thank goodness for TIDE)
#3. Terminator is not that great of a name- but it would be funny!
#4. I totally don't have enough time to take care of a dog
#5. Kyler doesn't really NEED a dog until he can help me, right?

Saturday, February 16, 2008

I Strongly Dislike Being Sick...

It must really suck to be kid and be sick. You feel like crap and all you want to do is cry. Oh wait, that sounds like me today. But see, as a kid, you have your mommy to hold you and make you food, and wipe your nose, and force the medicine down your throat- (I'm having a flashback of Melissa and I pinning Emma down in our arms, plugging her nose and sticking the dropper in her mouth...good times). Then you become the mommy and you get sick because, as we all know, kids are germ factories. Now, not only are you taking care a very sad little boy with pink-eye in both eyes, but your head is pounding, your ears are ringing, and your whole body aches. Not fun. I will be so happy when this pain goes away, and I am able to function somewhat normally again.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

How did we get to this point in life? Sometimes I think that it really would be nice if God would just give us a sneek peek- just a little teaser. But then we would most definitely want more... I was taught that God has a plan for each and every one of His people- and I truly believe that- but seriously- sometimes a little insight would be so helpful. I suppose that is where faith comes into play. Faith, trust and hope. I always trusted that God had a plan for me and I always hoped it was a good one. Faith has always been in my heart, although that has been the toughest thing to hold on to over the years. I never thought that I would be a single mom- I never planned on having a son first (ha ha) and I never really knew that I could love anything as much as I love Kyler. I would willingly give my own life for him, but I can not imagine the heartbreak of giving him up to killers. The fact that God loves all of us enough that he sent His very own- and only- Son to be murdered, so that we might live is truly a mind-boggling thought. I wonder if Jesus ever "did the dishes" for His mom? Or if Mary ever truly understood the sacrifice that was to be made- until it was upon her?

Saturday, February 9, 2008

this is what i do...

this was last summer when the weather was still nice. kyler could play at the park for hours and hours if allowed. i've decided that playdates can be really fun, but most of the time they are just plain exhausting. it's supposed to be fun to go to the park with all your kid's little friends, but it really can be the most stressful part of the day. you have to make sure that your kid looks cute; he's happy and rested and fed; clean diaper or at least that he went potty before you leave; make sure you have snacks and drinks (enough for the other kid as well, so that no one feels left out because they didn't get rocket fruit snacks too)- and then finally, you get to the park and let the kids loose. suddenly, you're at a crossroads- do you let him play on the playground that is too big for him (where all of his little friends are playing), the swings that are scorching hot, or the sandbox that... well, we should all have our reservations about uncovered, public sandboxes. he wants to climb up the lilypad ladder, up the rope ladder, up the steps that are as tall as him- he'd climb up the slide if he wasn't wearing those ridiculously cute flip-flops. so you choose the ladder that is most easily accessible to you, the rescuer. you stand close by, (all the while keeping a watchful eye for those older kids that knock all the babies down without regard) and he steps up on the first step! and the next one, and the next one, until he is nearly to the platform! as you awkwardly bend your arms around metal poles to try and keep one hand on you child, here comes the blue power ranger, ultra-mega-force blaster gun blazing, pushing past you and your much younger little angel, jumps off of the lilypad ladder and, amidst a flurry of imaginary gunfire directed toward an unseen alien force, scampers off. by the time you done staring after the power ranger, your son has already finished climbing to the top of the play structure and is gearing up to go down the giant slide of terror. you panic slightly, knowing that if you run to the top to stop him, he will smile and scooch closer to the edge- but if you wait for him at the bottom, he might bonk his head or get scared. on the other hand, there is no way you butt will fit down that slide anyway, so you opt for the latter choice and dare to take your chances. you walk to the bottom of the slide and tell him to go- you'll catch him. he holds on, and with a slightly nervous look on his face (that is nothing compared to your pounding heart) he slides down, down, down into your arms, giggling all the way. no harm, no foul- just a very happy, yet very tired little man. you signal to the other mothers that you've had your fill, pack up your things and head to the car thinking, "that was fun! i can't wait until next tuesday!"

This day

sleep in
a vaccuum party
thank goodness for jungle book
unclutter the clutter
rearrange the living room (again)
deep clean the house
always take it easy
yogurt breakfast for kyler

Friday, February 8, 2008

things i love

fall leaves
road trips
my family
dark chocolate
the baldwins
chick flicks
my friends

My first blog ever!

well, today was another busy day...
get up, get ready, get kyler up and into the car, drop him off with nana, drive to starbucks, drive to sacramento, sit in a conference all day, drive home, go to the bank, go to the store, pick up kyler, make dinner, eat dinner, put kyler to sleep...and finally, sit down and just sit. i mean, who would have ever thought that just sitting was so nice? i am so excited about this weekend- i actually have monday off. is this what a blog is all about?