Saturday, July 26, 2008

I don't think I quite understand...

A friend of mine (although no longer a friend at this point) shut me out of her life after she married a man of her religion. I don't know this man and therefore, have no idea who my friend has become. I don't know why she has shut me out or what I have done to her. I don't even know if she has ever received any of my phone messages or mail that I have sent her because she has never acknowledged them or responded back to me. Perhaps this change was predestined. Perhaps it was always going to happen and it just happened to coincide with her marriage. That is a possibility- I'll acknowledge that. This friend had told me 6 months after she was married that she was a newlywed and that I really didn't have any right to expect her to be anything else other than a newlywed. Okay, I understand that maybe my timing was off a bit and I shouldn't have expected to see her very often at that time. It's coming up on 2 years now and over 1 year since I have spoken to her. I have tried calling. I sent a birthday card. I invited them both to my son's birthday party. No response whatsoever. I know that she is a very busy person- aren't we all? I know she is a newlywed. I just can't fathom my freind, whom I considered to be the sister I never had, totally and completely ignoring me. I was afraid that her entire family had shut me out and hated me or thought I wasn't good enough to be her friend. (I have recently found out that that is not even close to the truth). Her family was pretty much my second family- I practically lived at their house throughout high school and vice versa. Her parents have always welcomed me into their home and their hearts as if I was their own and never ever felt like I couldn't be around them because I had different religious beliefs. If fact, at my friend's wedding, her father actually saved me more than a few times from various people asking me qeustions about their religion that I had no idea about. He simply put his arm around me and stood there silently, until somone would approach me and ask me soemthing, then answering, "You know? Heather is a dear friend of our family and not LDS." He never made me feel awkward about it or like I was a lowlife heathen that wasn't as great as his family. I was his family. I have never judged my friend's religion- in fact, I had the utmost respect for her because she was the kindest, sweetest, most compassionate, empathetic, non-judgemental person I had ever in ly entire life. I have never met anyone as selfless and caring as she, and I always strived to be more like her in those areas. I am in utter shock that after 13 years, I have to say goodbye to her and just walk away. I don't think I have ever been so hurt so deeply as I am because of her actions (actually, lack of actions). I truly don't understand how someone who has always been there for me and has always been open with me about our different religions, could suddenly and without warning, change so completely. I thought once upon a time, that there was a chance for reconciliation... now, I'm not so sure...

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