Monday, July 28, 2008

Prayer for Understanding Grace

Lord, give me understanding.
Help me forgive those that have hurt me.
Let me try to see things through different eyes. Blinded eyes. Cloudy eyes.
Give me strength and courage.
Keep kindness in front and mercy right behind it.
Help me be gracious to others as You have been so gracious to me.
Take my hurting heart as an offering to You
And heal it again as You have so often before.
Please bless those in my life- new friends, old friends, no longer friends, family friends...
Bless them and help them see Your light.
Give them understanding of what is right and show them the path that is Truth.
Protect my mind from needless drama and help me filter the important stuff with the trivial.
Keep me standing tall and make me strong.
Touch me with You grace so that I may be gracious to others.
Thank you for Your peace,

Saturday, July 26, 2008

I don't think I quite understand...

A friend of mine (although no longer a friend at this point) shut me out of her life after she married a man of her religion. I don't know this man and therefore, have no idea who my friend has become. I don't know why she has shut me out or what I have done to her. I don't even know if she has ever received any of my phone messages or mail that I have sent her because she has never acknowledged them or responded back to me. Perhaps this change was predestined. Perhaps it was always going to happen and it just happened to coincide with her marriage. That is a possibility- I'll acknowledge that. This friend had told me 6 months after she was married that she was a newlywed and that I really didn't have any right to expect her to be anything else other than a newlywed. Okay, I understand that maybe my timing was off a bit and I shouldn't have expected to see her very often at that time. It's coming up on 2 years now and over 1 year since I have spoken to her. I have tried calling. I sent a birthday card. I invited them both to my son's birthday party. No response whatsoever. I know that she is a very busy person- aren't we all? I know she is a newlywed. I just can't fathom my freind, whom I considered to be the sister I never had, totally and completely ignoring me. I was afraid that her entire family had shut me out and hated me or thought I wasn't good enough to be her friend. (I have recently found out that that is not even close to the truth). Her family was pretty much my second family- I practically lived at their house throughout high school and vice versa. Her parents have always welcomed me into their home and their hearts as if I was their own and never ever felt like I couldn't be around them because I had different religious beliefs. If fact, at my friend's wedding, her father actually saved me more than a few times from various people asking me qeustions about their religion that I had no idea about. He simply put his arm around me and stood there silently, until somone would approach me and ask me soemthing, then answering, "You know? Heather is a dear friend of our family and not LDS." He never made me feel awkward about it or like I was a lowlife heathen that wasn't as great as his family. I was his family. I have never judged my friend's religion- in fact, I had the utmost respect for her because she was the kindest, sweetest, most compassionate, empathetic, non-judgemental person I had ever in ly entire life. I have never met anyone as selfless and caring as she, and I always strived to be more like her in those areas. I am in utter shock that after 13 years, I have to say goodbye to her and just walk away. I don't think I have ever been so hurt so deeply as I am because of her actions (actually, lack of actions). I truly don't understand how someone who has always been there for me and has always been open with me about our different religions, could suddenly and without warning, change so completely. I thought once upon a time, that there was a chance for reconciliation... now, I'm not so sure...

Thursday, July 24, 2008


I need to make a slight change to a previous post. Kyler's Beta fish is not named "Milkshake" as I previously thought. He has informed me that the fish's name is actually "Doctor Milkshake." i apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.


It's funny the things that can inspire me. Today, it was the Disney movie Mulan. "Who is this girl I see? Why does my reflection show someone I don't know? When will my reflection show who I am inside?" Who knows? Stay tuned...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Please Pray...

My heart broke a little bit today. A woman whom I have never met changed the way I see life. Chris Hastings had been battling cancer for about 4 months now, I think. She is the mother of 4- ages 15, 11, 6 & 3. She and her family attended the church that I grew up in and therefore, many of my friends have been influenced by her. A coworker of mine has been a family friend and baby-sitter to the Hastings family and told me their story a few months ago. I remember feeling like I had been hit in the stomach- I didn't even know who these people were! All I knew was that this mother was facing an unimaginable battle. Chris lost her fight with cancer this past Saturday morning. I cannot fathom the pain and fear that her husband and children are battling. I know that their faith in God will help them through this, but it doesn't change the fact that children have lost their mother and a husband has lost his soulmate. Please join me in putting a blanket of prayer around this family that has touched my heart so deeply.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

in response...

a dear friend of mine has expressed frustration over the very same thing that i find myself exasperated over... blogger block. i too have difficulty at times finding the drive to sit down and post a new entry. well, actually, i am already sitting down, but i sometimes don't feel like writing a blog entry. sometimes i feel like i have great and profound things to say, and then when i am faced with the "create a post" page, i freeze. after reading the responses that my friend's friends left her regarding this issue, i have come to realize this: that yes, once the joy of blogging is missing, it soon becomes a chore and that if you truly feel the need to post something, pictures a good beginning. that being said, there is something cleansing and almost peaceful about writing here- even when i have no idea how to say what i want to say or why i even feel my point is noteworthy. when i write in my blog, it takes the thoughts and stressful events that plague my mind and puts them somewhere tangible- somewhere that i can see them and be reminded of them and what they have done for me. likewise, i am able to share the amazing and wonderful of my life as well... even if i only have about three people that read my blog! honestly, i have a kind of hunger to read my friend's blog- as uneventful or "wordless" as it may be. just you know, melissa, i love reading all the little and big things you put on your blog- writer's block or not.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Sunday, July 6, 2008


I wish I had an instruction manual for how to grow more patience. Oh wait- I do... it's called the Bible. Any suggestions on which verses might be helpful and encouraging for my manic multiple personalities lately?!?