2009

Interesting how time flies past... it seems as if I am standing in a crowd and and everyone else is whizzing by as I just look around dazed and confused. We've all seen a scene in a movie like that! Anyway, here we are at the beginning of a new year, looking forward to new experiences and life lessons while still trying to catch our breath from last year's "lessons." I think goals are great- setting them is motivating and inspiring and makes me strive to do all these great things... and then I get out of bed and real life hits me and it is so much harder to keep my eye on the prize. Here are some things that I hope to work on this year- hope being the key word there...

*rock the pilates class
*learn more about patience
*finish my bible study
*go to wisconsin
*go to san diego
*learn how to change a tire for reals- instead of in theory
*run a mile without dying
*get my AA- degree, not sobriety chip
*move up in my career field
*ace my spanish classes

i am a little obsessed with this song at the moment

thunder

today is a winding road that's taking me
to places that i didn't want to go
today in the blink of an eye
i'm holding on to something
and i do not know why i tried

i tried to read between the lines
i tried to look in your eyes
i want a simple explanation
for what i'm feeling inside
i gotta find a way out
maybe there's a way out

your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
do you know you're unlike any other
you'll always be my thunder
i said, your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
i don't wanna ever love another
you'll always be my thunder
so bring on the rain
and bring on the thunder

today is a winding road- tell me where to start
and tell me something i don't know
today, i'm on my own, i can't move a muscle
and i can't pick up the phone, i don't know

now i'm itching for the tall grass
and longing for the breeze
i need to step outside just to see if i can breathe
i gotta finda way out
maybe there's a way out

i'm walking on a tightrope
i'm wrapped up in vines
i think we'll make it out
but you gotta give me time
strike me down with lightning
let me feel you in my veins
i wanna let you know how much i feel your pain

i've been thinking...

dangerous, i know! i get frustrated when life seems so complicated. when my emotions have no words to describe them. when the only thing that i can do to survive is play some otherwise random song over and over until the tears stop. i'm not unhappy or anything, i'm just overwhelmed i think, and i'm ready to stop getting the short end of the stick. it would be really nice, if for once, things happened for my benefit. to just catch a break. how long can everything be so hard? how long do i have to wait to start seeing some improvement?

Isaiah 41

I'm not even going to write it out- just look it up and read it! Again!

Memories in the making

Here are a few funny snippets from my recent life:

*One of my Kindergarten students gathering a bouquet of fallen, brightly colored leaves and handing them to me saying, "These are for you, Miss Heather Beautiful. They are for when you get married. And then I can come too."

*Kyler telling me this morning that he wants to fix cars and be a "fire guy," not a cop and he wants two kids- one named Kyler and one named Austyn.

*Kyler asking me, "You know what, Mom? I have a penis. And you don't have one- ha, ha!" As he sticks his tongue out at me and runs away.

*"All the dinosaurs live in the forest. I saw one by my house. Well, it was a rhinoceros. Actually, it was a rattlesnake." ~Quote from one of my students.

*My mom whispers to Kyler, "Guess what? I love you." Kyler leans over to her and whispers back, "Guess what? I love my mom."

*Kyler singing the ABC's almost perfectly-

"a-b-c-E-E-f-g-h-i-j-k-l-m-P-q-r-s-t-u-B-"doubeloo"-x-y-z."

*Kyler shakin' his honky-tonk badonk-a-donk to the Hokie Pokie. He told me, "Guess I learned, Mom? You do a pokie-pokie and you turn a butt around!"

I fell off the face of the earth

Wow! It has been a while! I actually almost forgot I had a blog! Good thing I don't have many loyal fans... I heard some interesting things at church this morning. The sermon was about anger and how anger can impact your life. The guest speaker said that anger is an acceptable feeling as long as you don't let it turn into a sinful behavior. He said something that I really liked- about what that means- something like, sinful anger is any reaction that is intended to hurt, slander or punish another person. That is so true! I realized that not only is it not nice to yell and scream at my ex when he being hurtful; it is not being Christ like. I really need to work on holding my tongue, taking a deep breath and saying a prayer for grace. I hope that someday I can learn to be a gracious person. I want people to say that I am compassiate, empathetic and gracious. GraceFUL would be nice too, but I have to pick my battles. Letting one person get under my skin and get me to a point of yelling and saying colorful words that I shouldn't say, is not really the picture of grace. So let's just pray that I can accomplish a little of that change in my heart... shall we?

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

I wish that people would just say how they feel and what they are thinking and why they are making the choices that they are... I wish that friends were truthful, but always know how to be sensitive at the same time. I wish that old friends had never changed. I wish we were able to see the truth about new friends. I wish that people would stop getting others involved when it doesn't concern them in the first place. I wish that anger and hurt could be approached with love and empathy instead of defensiveness and destruction. I don't even know what I'm trying to say...